How do you mourn?

People mourn for others in different ways. In light of the recent tragedy in Las Vegas, I came to doubt myself. How can I properly stand in solitude with the families recovering from this tragedy? How should I mourn for my own loved ones? Not just that, but how would God and my loved ones who passed away want me to mourn? And how am I supposed to love enemies (Matthew 5:44) when they’ve committed such atrocities?

These are tough questions. I’m still working to love other people the way God wants me to, and now I’m also expected to love my enemies? And I have to think of how to properly mourn for a loved one watching me in heaven so that I don’t cause them sadness, even when I want to curl up in a ball and cry?

I hear things like “hate the sin, not the sinner”, love your enemies, etc. And these are all good sayings, but how could I apply them to this mash shooting? I have no desire to see let alone pray for people who are horrible enough to do something like this. So I’m praying for the families and the souls who lost their lives today. I’m trying to remind myself that those people might have been abused in their childhood or fighting some mental disease. Maybe they were under the control of Satan or other demons. I don’t know. But, I’m trying to pray for them too. Trying.

I would like to share how I mourned the death of my grandfather because I feel like it might be helpful for some people. I hope it might help someone mourn in the way God wants us to mourn. But, like I said, people are different and no one should expect to mourn the same way as another. . .

I lost my Grandpa yesterday. He lives in Las Vegas and God called him home. We had recently visited him in the hospital because he had hip surgery. Funny story. My Grandpa likes to smoke so he innocently asked (total pokerface) if my mom could take him outside for a smoke. My mom agreed but, feeling driven to ask, found the nurse who scolded my Grandpa by lightly saying she already talked about this and he is not given permission to smoke outside. He acted so surprised lol. One of my favorite memories of him.

When my Grandpa passed away I didn’t know how to take it. I wanted to deny it. I had just seen him and, under lots of medication, felt like I hadn’t connected or interacted with him as much as I wanted to. But, he had been sick for a long time, lost use of his legs, and had been dealing with depression. Now I know he is in heaven waiting for me, while I still have a purpose in this world. My purpose is to pray for others, love others, and work for others to the best of my ability until Jesus calls me home.

So, I missed my Grandpa, but I was happy that he was now running and flying in heaven. My faith is strong. So you know what I did? I pretended he was right by my side (angels can watch over us from above so I knew he would see this). I told him I wanted to race him now that he has legs. I picked a stopping point. And I did race him but I don’t know who won. I laugh to him and invite him into my life, always thinking about him. I know that he would want me to remember his life more than his death. And that is how I dealt with my loss. I hope it doesn’t come off as callous to anyone. I’m just hoping that this might help someone. Open to criticism as well!

Love you all, many blessings.

-Annie

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